Sadhguru looks at why the end of a relationship often causes pain and explains how to gracefully move on with life in such a situation.
萨古鲁审阅了为什么一段关系的结束常常会导致痛楚，并表明了如何在这种情况下优雅地继续生存。
Questioner: Namaskaram Sadhguru. Why is there so much pain when a relationship breaks? I’m not able to move on because it has left a vacuum in me. 提问者：萨古鲁您好。为什么一段关系结束时会云云痛楚？我无法继续前行，因为它在我内在留下了一个空洞。
Sadhguru: Do you see...right now, the fundamental life process within this body, it doesn’t need…it is interdependent – it is bound to be so. The physical nature of your existence is interdependent: you have to eat food, you have to breathe, you have to drink water, so many things – you need services, maintenance. But that which is generating this life seems to be a complete process by itself, it does not need anybody’s support – is it so? Do you think so? Do you feel so? Hmm? Yes, or no? Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：你看到了吗……如今，这个身体里的根本生命过程，它不需要……它是相互依存的——它注定是如许。你存在的物质笔剖是相互依存的：你必须吃东西，你必须呼吸，你必须喝水，这么多事变——你需要服务、维护。但是谁人创造这个生命的，它看上去本身就是一个完备的过程，它不需要任何人的支持——是不是如许？你这么认为吗？你这么感觉吗？嗯？是不是？
Participants: Yes. 听众：是的。
Sadhguru: It is so. So... what is it that needs… makes you in such a chronic need of another person? It is the nature of your thought, your emotion, maybe at a certain stage in your life, even your physical body. Now... physical body is one thing. You did not make it. You will see, if you as much get very interested in a book – you’re reading a suspense thriller - all your physical needs will disappear. Have you noticed this? Hmm? You’re just reading one trashy suspense thriller, but that’s enough – 2 hours you didn’t think of food, this, that, all the physical needs are just gone, isn’t it? So... very easily it can be transcended, if you wish to – I’m not saying you must, but if you wish to. The physicality can be mastered very easily, it’s not such a struggle. Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：它就是如许。所以……是什么让你长期需要另外一个人？是你头脑和情感的本质，大概在你生命的某个阶段，甚至是你的身体。看……身体是一回事，它不是由你所造。你会看到，如果你对一本书非常感兴趣——你读一本悬疑惊悚小说——你全部的身体需求都会消失。你留意到了吗？嗯？你只是在读一本垃圾悬疑惊悚小说，但那就足够了——两个小时你都没想过食品、这个、谁人，全部的身体需求都没了，不是吗？所以……它非常容易被逾越，如果你想——我不是说你必须，但是如果你想，物质性很容易被掌控，它并不是什么难事。
Now, the problems of loss are essentially psychological and emotional. So, the psychological structure of who you are, at least the psychological structure of who you are should be crafted by you, isn’t it? If you craft your psychological structure, would you make it into a miserable possibility, or a blissful possibility? If you did craft. I’m talking about what you intend for yourself. What you intend for your neighbor may be debatable. At least what you intend for yourself is not misery – no human being does that. So, obviously you did not craft your psychological process, or the psychological structure consciously the way you want it. Now, does it mean to say, 'pooff' if it drops tomorrow I’m not bothered, I’ll go on with life day after tomorrow. No, no, no, no, it’s not about that. It is just that you must live in such a way that you're willing to die for somebody right now, but if it so happens that they died tomorrow, not you, they died, you must be able to gracefully go ahead with life.
看，“失去”的问题本质上是生理和情感上的。所以，你的生理结构，至少“你是谁”的生理结构应该由你来打造，不是吗？如果你打造你的生理结构，你会把它打造成一个痛楚的大概性，照旧一个高兴的大概性？如果你确实打造了。我在问你想要自己如何，你想要邻居怎样大概颇有争议，至少你自己想要的不是痛楚——没人会那样做。显然你并没有故意识地按你想要的方式打造你的生理过程，大概生理结构。那是不是说，“噗”，如果来日诰日它结束了，我没事，我后天会继续生存？不不不不，不是如许的。而是你必须如许活，就是如今你愿意为或人死，但是如果他们来日诰日死了，不是你，是他们死了，你必须可以大概优雅地继续生存。
But today you must live like... you're willing to die for this person, genuinely so, otherwise, there is no sanctity to life. If you make this into a logical calculation, "After all, I’m an independent piece of life, why do I need anybody?" – your life will become utterly ugly. You must live like, "I cannot live without you." But tomorrow, if it so happens – that’s tomorrow - if it so happens that person disappeared, either death, or he became free, or whatever, [Laughs] then you must see, this is an independent piece of life; but today if you see it, your life will become ugly.
但是本日你必须活得就像……你愿意为这个人死，真逼真切，否则，生命就没有神圣性。如果你把这个酿成一个逻辑的算计，“毕竟，我是一个独立自主的生命，我为何需要什么人？”——你的生命会变得非常丑陋。你必须活得就像“没有你我活不了”，但是来日诰日，如果——那是在来日诰日——如果谁人人消失了，要么死了，要么自由了，大概别的什么情况，（笑）那么你必须看到，这是一个独立自主的生命，但本日如果你这么看，你的生命会变得丑陋。
So, people are not able to get this distinction; either they become ruthless philanderers, or they become so sappy and lost, they're not able to enjoy their relationships. Most relationships are only… they know some joy only in the beginning; after that, it’s one continuous complication and pain for most people, unfortunately. This is because you have not understood the nature, you have not experienced the nature of this one! [Referring to oneself] You’re trying to understand the nature of that one – it’s never going to happen.
所以，人们弄不清这个差异。他们要么酿成无情的花花公子，要么变得云云伤感和迷茫，他们享受不了他们的关系。大部分的关系都只是……他们只在开始的时间尝到一丝高兴，事后，它是一种持续的混乱和痛楚，很不幸对大部分人来说都云云。这是因为你还没有明白本质……你还没有体验到这个（指自己）的本质！你尝试去明白别人的本质——这根本不大概。
If you have a wonderful relationship, most of the time it’s because somebody else is wonderful. [Laughs] Bad way to live, isn’t it? You must have a wonderful relationship with everybody around you because of who you are, not because of who somebody else is. This is the choice you have: you can either let the world live under your shade, the comfort of your shade, or you can be always dying to get into some shade. That’s the choice every human being has.
如果你有一段精美的关系，大多数时间是因为别人很精美。（笑）如许在世很差劲，不是吗？你必须因为你的样子与身边的每一个人拥有精美的关系，而不是因为别人的样子。这是你的选择：你要么让世界活在你的“树荫”之下，你的“树荫”的舒适之下，要么你总是在渴望走进“树荫”。这是每个人都有的选择。